You didn’t complete me. You weren’t the best thing to ever happen to me. But you made me happy. You made me a kind of happy in some moments where I didn’t even know what I was feeling because I had never felt it before. I can be angry at you with such good reasoning, but I won’t be because I don’t even know how to be. I’ve learned to take the good from situations to the extent that I sometimes fail to see the bad. So maybe I failed to see the bad in you. Should I regret that? I don’t. I don’t regret it because I saw the good first. My point is that there was no way to know how we were going to end. There was no way to catch the lies before they sank in without spoiling the fun. There never is. I knew that by letting you in 100%, this pain was right around the corner; but I avoided it because I refused to give in. I guess I can say I went out fighting, again. I can’t hold that against myself. I’m a fighter. You may not have been the greatest love of my life, but what we had made me happy and that alone made it greatness in itself. I think you showed me a side of myself I was always afraid to look closely at. You showed me how willing to love I really am, despite my past. You showed me that i’m not bruised and definitely not jaded. Though I will miss you, I know that i’ll be okay because you also showed me how strong I still am. I’m writing this because we are no longer together and I feel that I have something to leave behind. I’m walking away from you, but i’m taking with me both the good memories of us, and the lessons I learned. You can keep this. I’m not bitter towards the mistakes you made. I know that after having been told by countless people the mistakes they feel i’ve made, I still find some of which to have been necessary actions. I understand that sometimes we have to hurt people in order to grow. So I decided to leave those mistakes in your hands. You can decide whether they really were mistakes or not. Regardless, I feel that though it was recklessly through each others feelings, we lived and we learned. Sometimes, you just have to walk away.
Sometimes we lose control of the things we care the most about. We get lost in them. A smile, a hug, a kiss; These things become caves that we fall into. You’ve lost your voice. and nothing you feel can be put into words anymore. You don’t know who you are now. But when this happens, you have to stop everything around you. You have to be dramatic. you have to cry. You have take those feelings and find the words. You have to find yourself somehow, even if it means picking up a million broken pieces of what you used to love. You have to. and it’s painful. and it’s terrible. and it’s going to rain. and there will be days where you’ll miss the sun. but once you’ve lost control, you only continue to lose it. And no one can help you. And no one can save you; Except yourself. No one wants to save you more than you do. No one knows better than you do that you have to start over. And you’ll get your voice back. and you’ll find a way out of that cave. And you’ll see the sun; and I promise, you’ll appreciate it more than you ever have.
“I woke up this morning and knew that I loved you more than ever. Sometimes I get scared that this feeling will slip away into something less than the wonderfulness it is now. So I’ve got a plan. Let’s capture how we feel right now and keep it forever.”— my legendary girlfriend by mike gayle
From an early age we’re taught that if someone truly loves us, they will love us for the person that we are… and I think some of us confuse that notion with the idea that we can hurt the people who love us, because they truly love us..
but if I’ve learned anything from experience, I’ve learned that in any kind of relationship you don’t owe it to the person you love to be an ideal companion… You only owe it to them to be a decent human being. Meaning you don’t have to be the worlds most perfect girlfriend or boyfriend as long as your actions are that of good person. Thus why men and women are constantly being told to work on themselves first.
I realized something this morning. Love is looking at a picture and not being able to describe anything you see. Because all you see are feelings. Looking at someones face and not seeing eyes, a nose, ears, or lips. Instead seeing memories, seeing smiles even when they aren’t smiling. Hearing laughter, hearing them whisper. You imagine what they feel like, and even how they smell.
and it’s special because no one else in the world will ever look at that same photo and see how you feel.
“So I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we’ll never know most of them. But even if we don’t have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them.”—The Perks of Being A Wallflower
I’ve dreamt with you three or four days in a row now. I’ve been dreaming with waves and the ocean. And the beach. And you. Which coincidentally are the things I both love and fear the most. I’ve had an obsession with the ocean since I was a child, but it’s always frightened me.
Last night I dreamt was waiting for a boat with someone who grew impatient and left me. I stood there alone and waited. I didn’t have money to get on the boat, but a lady with a kind smile let me on anyway. The boat ride was beautiful. I went through what looked like a dangerous jungle, but it was peaceful and I felt safe. and every time I’d try to get close to an edge to see the water, what looked like an edge became something else. I couldn’t get as close as I wanted. I couldn’t see the water. And then it got dark. And a huge wave hundreds of feet high appeared from below the boat and I closed my eyes and felt nothing. I remember thinking to myself “I knew this was going to happen” because that’s what happens to boats, they sink.
and when I opened my eyes you were next to me. and you had your hand on my head. and the rest of the boat was empty. and I asked you if we were sinking. and you said “not yet..”
You have been heard. You have been felt. There were days you felt unhappy, and there will be more. But you have picked yourself up. And you have made yourself smile. You have been lied to. And you have been used.. But you have fought back. You have made yourself vulnerable. You have opened up. You have learned. You have felt love. And you will feel love over and over and over again. You have had to fight for your heart. You have also fought for your feelings. And for your love. But you have won. You are a fighter. Not because you have fought, and not because you have won.. but because you have loved. You are a fighter because you have loved.
I don’t know if I can help, but I know my words have value. Because they’ve been there. They’ve gone back. They’ve been lost and found over and over again to nothing short of the same message.
Not everything can be salvaged. Some of us let this uncontrollable love in and we become these images of lovers who will fall apart trying to fix what is beyond our control. We forget that the very love we feel appeared without our consent. We forget that this love nestled itself into our hearts on its own. And then we try and control it. destroying it’s original meaning..
I was reading this morning and found this saying..
“amour parle pour lui-meme”
which in french means “love speaks for itself.” And those four words reached out and gave me the embrace i’ve been looking for in every single person i’ve told my story.Love speaks for itself. And while we spend days, months, years trying to speak for it.. We never succeed. If you find yourself struggling for the words to describe your situation, let go. If you find yourself on the phone struggling for words to finish a sentence before tears beat you to it, let go. We are holding back from listening to what there are truly no words to describe. If there were words capable, love would be a letter. Love would be a sentence.. but it isn’t. And if in that moment you feel as if you do not belong, or as if the love you once had can no longer be found, listen for a silence. Listen for the sound of love not speaking, because there is none left. Let love speak for itself. If only we could learn to listen.. It speaks to us in volumes.
There are things we must come to terms with. Things we will never be able to enjoy without coming to terms with. We are not in control. It is uncontrollable and unpredictable.Love just is; And the moment we stop expecting from this force we have no control over, we will begin to enjoy the course love has planned to take.
When you climb back into the bed of someone who has hurt you, someone you have hurt, or simply someone who’s tongue you can trace the outline of with your eyes closed; don’t expect salvation. Don’t expect answers. Don’t expect anything. Let love be. In all of it’s imperfections. You’re there because all of the negativity that kept you apart did nothing to weaken the feeling that overcomes you, once you’ve closed your eyes next to the person you love. And because there is a force stronger than the images that play over in our minds and the words that sit in the back our of throats. It is possible to let go without letting go of love. Let go of attachments. Let go of expectations. Let go of all the images you have kept which have bruised you from the inside out. Just let go. And love will stay. And it will have all the room in the world to finally grow in all of the ways it had originally planned.
Underneath all of the heartbreak and misery we inflict on ourselves over and over from expectations fallen short, there is an undeniable source of inspiration. An undeniable source of magic that burns slowly.. and instead of listening, we wait for that magic to burn out. We wait. And we cry once the smoke begins to show. We have been designed to love again and again. We have been designed to love multiple people at multiple times. And if love could speak loudly enough to set us straight, it would tell us that each if those loves are simply a link on the chain we are born to be buried with.
One word I would banish from the dictionary is ‘escape.’ It has been misused regarding anybody who wanted to move away from a certain spot and wanted to grow. He was an escapist. If you forget that word, you will have a much easier time. You are in the prime, the beginning of your life; you should experiment with everything, try everything.
We are taught all these dichotomies, and I only learned later that they could work in harmony. We have created false dichotomies; we create false ambivalences, and very painful one’s sometimes - the feeling that we have to choose. But I think at one point we finally realize, sometimes subconsciously, whether or not we are really fitted for what we try and if it’s what we want to do.
You have a right to experiment with your life. You will make mistakes. And they are right too. You came out of an education and are supposed to know your vocation. Your vocation is fixed, and maybe ten years later you find you are not a teacher anymore or you’re not a painter anymore. It may happen. It has happened. I think we have a right to change course. But society is the one that keeps demanding that we fit in and not disturb things. They would like you to fit in right away so that things work now
We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations.
لا تكره أحداً مهما أخطأ في حقك عش في بساطة مهما علا شأنك توقع خيراً مهما كثر البلاء أعط كثيراً ولو حُرِمْت صِلْ مَنْ قطعك وأعْفُ عَمّنْ ظلمك ولا تقطع دعاءك لعزيز لديك
Hate no one, no matter how much they’ve wronged you, Live humbly, no matter how wealthy you become, Think positively, no matter how hard life is, Give much, even if you’ve been given little, Keep in touch with the ones who have forgotten you, and forgive who has wronged you, And do not stop praying for the best for those you love.
“We but mirror the world. All the tendencies present in the outer world are to be found in the world of our body. If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. This is the divine mystery supreme. A wonderful thing it is and the source of our happiness. We need not wait to see what others do.”—Mahatma Ghandi
Is an ongoing connection with another individual that your soul will pick up again in various times and places over lifetimes. You will be attracted to this person at a soul level; And it will not be because this person is your unique complement, but because by being with this individual, you will be somehow provided with an impetus to become whole yourself.