2 years today and it still hurts as much as it did that first night without you. whenever a month mark comes along, it feels like i’m living every minute from the moment i found out, all over again. i think about where i was at that moment, 2 years earlier and i think about everything i felt, everything i think about everything that went through my mind in those seconds where i knew i was losing you. and i relive that aching feeling in my chest when i woke up the next morning and it wasn’t a dream. it was real. and it happened. and i don’t question that anymore - i don’t go to sleep hoping that this is all some really bad dream, because it’s obvious now that it isn’t. it just hurts so much without you. it’s going to be a really tough day today, but i know you’ll be with me. i just wish i could feel more than your presence. i miss everything about you. i don’t know how i’ll ever find someone who loved me the way you did and who had enough patience with me to stick it through til the end. you made me a better person by loving me, and i’m so glad i was able to love you. i still do. i probably always will. 

please stay near me, always.